She dreams of him every night. She tries not to, but the visions come all too frequently, even as she curses them away. She counts to thousands, she recites mathematical equations, tries to keep her mind busy and away from him. But it always comes back. And she always leaves her bed, guilty for sharing it with one man while dreaming of another.

She often wondered what it would have been like if she'd dated him. He certainly would never want such a shy, mousy girl like her. Yes, she could do amazing calculations and create unique inventions, but that would mean nothing to a man who'd lived several years on a Hellmouth. He'd probably met more intriguing people every day.

Charles had been the first man to pay attention to her since she'd fallen through that portal. It felt so nice, to be wanted and needed and...special to someone. She'd always felt like the oddity of the group. And now she was inside, and Wesley was out. It was his fingerprints on the glass, looking in on their little 'family,' and no matter how much Angel and the others tried to erase his marks- she could always still see them.

Her mother had always told her to keep her friends close and enemies closer. Does that still apply if you love your enemy? Not that she truly believes Wes is an enemy. Her anger against him had come more from hurt that he hadn't trusted her enough to tell her of the prophecy. And she'd come to think of the group as her family- she'd instinctively lashed out at the man she felt was trying to tear it apart.

It doesn't matter now that she regrets her harsh words. It doesn't matter that she misses him, wants him back. It doesn't matter because she didn't speak up back when it happened, nor does she speak up now. She lets Charles buy her dinner and gifts, and lets the others treat her like a sister. She pretends that they are all she wants, when they are something she'd willingly leave behind- if it meant having Wesley back again.

It doesn't matter that the tears she cries at night are for him. It doesn't matter that she stole one of his books and some notes from his office, just to be able to see his handwriting and feel something of his again. It doesn't matter that she doesn't love Charles. Because she betrayed the only man she'll ever love. They all betrayed him - and nothing could turn that back.